wierrd world

hear me out, this sound crazy.

exhausted. then i was emotionally strained till holding back tears for the last 2 hours of daylight. When the sun sets, vision totelly blurred while reading the Quran. Words start flying abov emy head. and its hurting me. i threw myself to bed. for the next 2 hours, i close my eyes. i hear everything around me. as far as the void deck i can hear every single thing. vehicle, people talking, music from hp. whats worse, intermitten poeple screaming in the house is so clear. but i cant do anything. i can only do nothing. i cant move my limbs. when i open both eyes, everything is spinning. occasionally my fingers tremor. tears flowed. i cant move. i cant move. inside, rage buiding. like a rabid dog on leash.... waiting for the chain to break free and cause rampage.

i gather enuff strength to call. and speak with one eye open.


and everything is history.

jester

today marks the death of the jester....

the jester who have dutifully served his queen with much loyalty.

rumors has it it was murder, but reports and evidence shows that its most likely suicidal...

silence

I happen to know this boy...
This timid and quiet young boy...
living in a silent world...
Where comics were his first ABC...
the only sound he would hear is tv, radio and unpleasant words from his loved ones...

He would only his express his feelings to himself in his own ways...
One day he learn to communicate with people....
through pieces of paper...
sadly it ended after a reply...

until he begin how to communicate with his social circle...
not via human communication but unfortunatedly through the world wide web...

there is where he learns to express his feelings to others... and that was 2 decades ever since he was born....

its all trial and error... many failed attempt... too many heart has bleed...

but he neva give up.....

he knows... he can never go back to his silent world...

he hates silence.... even when he needs to be alone... he hates silence....

years passed...

he was finally badly 'hit' that threw him in a valley of silence and he almost drowned in depression....

until miracle happened.... where he found there was somebody to accept the way he is...



He enjoy expressing more... express wateva that he has kept for the past quater century....

There were times he overshot... nevertherless he was quick to admit and apologise....

He does regret yet glad coz he knows sumone understood why....

Recently... things changed...

he was punished with a series of silent treatments...

made him restless... he tried and tried to fix back...

his efforts are as good as building house of cards in a typhoon...

for all he know he was brought to this edge of a cliff where he looked down to the valley of silence...

Would it be a better place there......

to live in silence...

or continue to hurt others..... and risk of losing them like what happened to him before...

juz becoz he was juz being himself...

learning to express his feelings and emotions....

room 6

i called it the 'freezer'

coz its the coldest room in level 1.

so cold.. that even he wooden table top is freezing....

and so does my fingers....

that will jolt my patients whenever i palpate their chest to take ECG or phlebotomy....

8 hours of coldness everyday....

is MORE THAN enough for me to take and endure....

****************************************************************************

sparring with time and medicine

the battle starts on thursday evening when i started to shiver and blocked nose..... tummy was aching and fel so windy... burping like a cow...

slept a little late makind brownies for Jessica thou morning shift the next day...

Amean 1 - medicine 0

woke up.. stilll with a blocked nose... popped in one Cetrizine and rushed to mustafa to get a menthol stick before work.

Immediately Grab a prescription form and approached Dr Herman. Got $50 worth of medicines for $5...

3pm... its starts to leak... popped in one Piriton. Still hanging on.....

4pm... popped in one loratadine and on the menthol stick...

8pm.... popped in another piriton.... stayed on till 1am to do the video presentation for the Veterans reunion nite.... thanks for Totet's help too tho she slept first....

8am.. another piriton....

10am.. another Cetrizine....

3pm.... another piriton and loratdine. presentations ready.... rushed to Yvone's bday party before fetching Totet in a car. I wonde how can i still drive...

5pm... reached mendaki... abit of discussion adn popped in another piriton.

11pm.... together with totet, we sent Jam and back home... the old school rock jiwang karaoke session we 3 had in the car kept me awake as we sang at the top of our voice with the windows wond down. WA CAYA SAMA LU AH!

midnite... the road lines start to trick my eyes... Thanks Totet for your understanding...

1230am.. popped in one final piriton and cetrizine... washed up and scrubbed down...

Sunday....

woke up for subuh and slept... oke at up 830 for breakfast and another dose of piriton and cetrizine....

9am.... i officially knocked out till 1pm....

now.... still blocked nose yet fresher....

AH-WOO! life has to go on...

I love my totet....

There's a story in my eyes
Turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
I've been holding back the night
I've been searching for a clue from you
I'm gonna try with all my might
To make this story line come true
Can ya feel me tremble when we touch
Can ya feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
This love affair can't wait
*I can't hold back,
I'm on the edge(I can't hold back)
You voice explodes inside my head
I can't hold back,
I won't back down
Girl it's too late to turn back now*
Another shooting star goes by
And in the night the silence speaks to you and I
And now the time has come at last
Don't let the moment run too fast
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate reaching out to both of us
There's a story in my eyes, turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire

Birthday at Bina Insani

Cost of ferry tix: $50 (the price has fallen... WOOO!)

Cost of making Brownies for the Orphans: $20 (Special for them)

Cost of getting mini goodie bags for the Orphans: $40 (sponsored by beloved Yani, though)

Cost of the happiness celebrating with them.....: PRICELESS!

This is where is began...........:

MY birthday... the celebration began a few days advance where staff from RM@RH organised a surprise birthday party after the roll call. It was a combined bday with angela.....

There was a cake... chocolate cake... and i got a beautiful KAPPA couple T-shirt... i was touched as they bought it not for me... but for my loved one too....

then came the eve of my Bday....

Rented a small car and picked my beloved Yani. She look gorgeous in that purple. I neva been to that place and was awed when she directed me to a hotel..... GRAND HYATT!

*pic unavailable yet.... watch this space...

had a superb asian delicacies buffet at the STRAITS CAFE... its too much for me to say but ASIAN CUISINE has neva tasted this good before.... and another surprise! the restaurant crew sang me a birthday song with a cute bday cake! i was blushing !my god!

I was given flowers.... 3 red roses and till today 28 Feb, my mom put it in a vase of water... :)

ok back to the bday...

and my birthday prezzies...!

a pair of original EVERLAST boxing gloves

and of course....

*ok dear i got the message:time for me to work out.... hehee

and so the day after my bday... i packed my bag and went to Bina Insani with my Totet, Yani (it rhyme!)

a peaceful and smooth ferry ride and before we know it, we are there... the kids were at skool... Bunda was away went to her hometown as her dad wasnt feeling well. Ayahnda was all alone managing the kids for th past 10 days.... poor ayahnda....

Gotto know this new kid on the blog... name Ridwan. Abandoned by his family and arrived a month ago. His trdemark... his one big tooth... he stuck onto me since the moment we met. He call me...'Om...Om....'

Aftr setlling down, ayahnda drove me and yani to the bus stop (15 mins fm Bina Insani) where they usually meet....

Nothing can describe the look on their face from tired and hungy to surprised and delighed. Other ppl at the bus stop was left confused....

We sang song, show some magic trick and went camwhore...

That nite...we recited Yasin (a part of the Holy Quran) together after magrib. After ishak, they proceedfor a doa selamat for a guest who delivered rice in a box for all of them...

Meanwhile... since the kids were away....Indra 'bekam'ed me...

WARNING: The photos below are notfor the faint hearted!

felt good after the bekam session.....

ANOTHER SURPRISE when i steped out of the room.... the kids are oredi lined up and sang bday songs for me!

last but not least... i got this bday present from Solihin.... this touched my heart deeply.... it was his own... i guess sumone gave it to him during his bday.... and he decided to give it to me.

This small and cheap thing..... is PRICELESS

Thank You GOD for giving another year to live....

Thank You Yani for being my Totet.....

Thank You Bina Insani for making my B'day the most memorable ever....