hear me out, this sound crazy.
exhausted. then i was emotionally strained till holding back tears for the last 2 hours of daylight. When the sun sets, vision totelly blurred while reading the Quran. Words start flying abov emy head. and its hurting me. i threw myself to bed. for the next 2 hours, i close my eyes. i hear everything around me. as far as the void deck i can hear every single thing. vehicle, people talking, music from hp. whats worse, intermitten poeple screaming in the house is so clear. but i cant do anything. i can only do nothing. i cant move my limbs. when i open both eyes, everything is spinning. occasionally my fingers tremor. tears flowed. i cant move. i cant move. inside, rage buiding. like a rabid dog on leash.... waiting for the chain to break free and cause rampage.
i gather enuff strength to call. and speak with one eye open.
and everything is history.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
jester
today marks the death of the jester....
the jester who have dutifully served his queen with much loyalty.
rumors has it it was murder, but reports and evidence shows that its most likely suicidal...
the jester who have dutifully served his queen with much loyalty.
rumors has it it was murder, but reports and evidence shows that its most likely suicidal...
Sunday, April 5, 2009
silence
I happen to know this boy...
This timid and quiet young boy...
living in a silent world...
Where comics were his first ABC...
the only sound he would hear is tv, radio and unpleasant words from his loved ones...
He would only his express his feelings to himself in his own ways...
One day he learn to communicate with people....
through pieces of paper...
sadly it ended after a reply...
until he begin how to communicate with his social circle...
not via human communication but unfortunatedly through the world wide web...
there is where he learns to express his feelings to others... and that was 2 decades ever since he was born....
its all trial and error... many failed attempt... too many heart has bleed...
but he neva give up.....
he knows... he can never go back to his silent world...
he hates silence.... even when he needs to be alone... he hates silence....
years passed...
he was finally badly 'hit' that threw him in a valley of silence and he almost drowned in depression....
until miracle happened.... where he found there was somebody to accept the way he is...
He enjoy expressing more... express wateva that he has kept for the past quater century....
There were times he overshot... nevertherless he was quick to admit and apologise....
He does regret yet glad coz he knows sumone understood why....
Recently... things changed...
he was punished with a series of silent treatments...
made him restless... he tried and tried to fix back...
his efforts are as good as building house of cards in a typhoon...
for all he know he was brought to this edge of a cliff where he looked down to the valley of silence...
Would it be a better place there......
to live in silence...
or continue to hurt others..... and risk of losing them like what happened to him before...
juz becoz he was juz being himself...
learning to express his feelings and emotions....
This timid and quiet young boy...
living in a silent world...
Where comics were his first ABC...
the only sound he would hear is tv, radio and unpleasant words from his loved ones...
He would only his express his feelings to himself in his own ways...
One day he learn to communicate with people....
through pieces of paper...
sadly it ended after a reply...
until he begin how to communicate with his social circle...
not via human communication but unfortunatedly through the world wide web...
there is where he learns to express his feelings to others... and that was 2 decades ever since he was born....
its all trial and error... many failed attempt... too many heart has bleed...
but he neva give up.....
he knows... he can never go back to his silent world...
he hates silence.... even when he needs to be alone... he hates silence....
years passed...
he was finally badly 'hit' that threw him in a valley of silence and he almost drowned in depression....
until miracle happened.... where he found there was somebody to accept the way he is...
He enjoy expressing more... express wateva that he has kept for the past quater century....
There were times he overshot... nevertherless he was quick to admit and apologise....
He does regret yet glad coz he knows sumone understood why....
Recently... things changed...
he was punished with a series of silent treatments...
made him restless... he tried and tried to fix back...
his efforts are as good as building house of cards in a typhoon...
for all he know he was brought to this edge of a cliff where he looked down to the valley of silence...
Would it be a better place there......
to live in silence...
or continue to hurt others..... and risk of losing them like what happened to him before...
juz becoz he was juz being himself...
learning to express his feelings and emotions....
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
room 6
i called it the 'freezer'
coz its the coldest room in level 1.
so cold.. that even he wooden table top is freezing....
and so does my fingers....
that will jolt my patients whenever i palpate their chest to take ECG or phlebotomy....
8 hours of coldness everyday....
is MORE THAN enough for me to take and endure....
****************************************************************************
coz its the coldest room in level 1.
so cold.. that even he wooden table top is freezing....
and so does my fingers....
that will jolt my patients whenever i palpate their chest to take ECG or phlebotomy....
8 hours of coldness everyday....
is MORE THAN enough for me to take and endure....
****************************************************************************
Saturday, March 28, 2009
sparring with time and medicine
the battle starts on thursday evening when i started to shiver and blocked nose..... tummy was aching and fel so windy... burping like a cow...
slept a little late makind brownies for Jessica thou morning shift the next day...
Amean 1 - medicine 0
woke up.. stilll with a blocked nose... popped in one Cetrizine and rushed to mustafa to get a menthol stick before work.
Immediately Grab a prescription form and approached Dr Herman. Got $50 worth of medicines for $5...
3pm... its starts to leak... popped in one Piriton. Still hanging on.....
4pm... popped in one loratadine and on the menthol stick...
8pm.... popped in another piriton.... stayed on till 1am to do the video presentation for the Veterans reunion nite.... thanks for Totet's help too tho she slept first....
8am.. another piriton....
10am.. another Cetrizine....
3pm.... another piriton and loratdine. presentations ready.... rushed to Yvone's bday party before fetching Totet in a car. I wonde how can i still drive...
5pm... reached mendaki... abit of discussion adn popped in another piriton.
11pm.... together with totet, we sent Jam and back home... the old school rock jiwang karaoke session we 3 had in the car kept me awake as we sang at the top of our voice with the windows wond down. WA CAYA SAMA LU AH!
midnite... the road lines start to trick my eyes... Thanks Totet for your understanding...
1230am.. popped in one final piriton and cetrizine... washed up and scrubbed down...
Sunday....
woke up for subuh and slept... oke at up 830 for breakfast and another dose of piriton and cetrizine....
9am.... i officially knocked out till 1pm....
now.... still blocked nose yet fresher....
AH-WOO! life has to go on...
slept a little late makind brownies for Jessica thou morning shift the next day...
Amean 1 - medicine 0
woke up.. stilll with a blocked nose... popped in one Cetrizine and rushed to mustafa to get a menthol stick before work.
Immediately Grab a prescription form and approached Dr Herman. Got $50 worth of medicines for $5...
3pm... its starts to leak... popped in one Piriton. Still hanging on.....
4pm... popped in one loratadine and on the menthol stick...
8pm.... popped in another piriton.... stayed on till 1am to do the video presentation for the Veterans reunion nite.... thanks for Totet's help too tho she slept first....
8am.. another piriton....
10am.. another Cetrizine....
3pm.... another piriton and loratdine. presentations ready.... rushed to Yvone's bday party before fetching Totet in a car. I wonde how can i still drive...
5pm... reached mendaki... abit of discussion adn popped in another piriton.
11pm.... together with totet, we sent Jam and back home... the old school rock jiwang karaoke session we 3 had in the car kept me awake as we sang at the top of our voice with the windows wond down. WA CAYA SAMA LU AH!
midnite... the road lines start to trick my eyes... Thanks Totet for your understanding...
1230am.. popped in one final piriton and cetrizine... washed up and scrubbed down...
Sunday....
woke up for subuh and slept... oke at up 830 for breakfast and another dose of piriton and cetrizine....
9am.... i officially knocked out till 1pm....
now.... still blocked nose yet fresher....
AH-WOO! life has to go on...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I love my totet....
There's a story in my eyes
Turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
I've been holding back the night
I've been searching for a clue from you
I'm gonna try with all my might
To make this story line come true
Can ya feel me tremble when we touch
Can ya feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
This love affair can't wait
*I can't hold back,
I'm on the edge(I can't hold back)
You voice explodes inside my head
I can't hold back,
I won't back down
Girl it's too late to turn back now*
Another shooting star goes by
And in the night the silence speaks to you and I
And now the time has come at last
Don't let the moment run too fast
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate reaching out to both of us
There's a story in my eyes, turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Birthday at Bina Insani
Cost of ferry tix: $50 (the price has fallen... WOOO!)
ok back to the bday...
last but not least... i got this bday present from Solihin.... this touched my heart deeply.... it was his own... i guess sumone gave it to him during his bday.... and he decided to give it to me.
Cost of making Brownies for the Orphans: $20 (Special for them)
Cost of getting mini goodie bags for the Orphans: $40 (sponsored by beloved Yani, though)
Cost of the happiness celebrating with them.....: PRICELESS!
This is where is began...........:
MY birthday... the celebration began a few days advance where staff from RM@RH organised a surprise birthday party after the roll call. It was a combined bday with angela.....
There was a cake... chocolate cake... and i got a beautiful KAPPA couple T-shirt... i was touched as they bought it not for me... but for my loved one too....
then came the eve of my Bday....
Rented a small car and picked my beloved Yani. She look gorgeous in that purple. I neva been to that place and was awed when she directed me to a hotel..... GRAND HYATT!
*pic unavailable yet.... watch this space...
*pic unavailable yet.... watch this space...
had a superb asian delicacies buffet at the STRAITS CAFE... its too much for me to say but ASIAN CUISINE has neva tasted this good before.... and another surprise! the restaurant crew sang me a birthday song with a cute bday cake! i was blushing !my god!
I was given flowers.... 3 red roses and till today 28 Feb, my mom put it in a vase of water... :)
ok back to the bday...
and my birthday prezzies...!
a pair of original EVERLAST boxing gloves
and of course....
*ok dear i got the message:time for me to work out.... hehee
and so the day after my bday... i packed my bag and went to Bina Insani with my Totet, Yani (it rhyme!)
a peaceful and smooth ferry ride and before we know it, we are there... the kids were at skool... Bunda was away went to her hometown as her dad wasnt feeling well. Ayahnda was all alone managing the kids for th past 10 days.... poor ayahnda....
Gotto know this new kid on the blog... name Ridwan. Abandoned by his family and arrived a month ago. His trdemark... his one big tooth... he stuck onto me since the moment we met. He call me...'Om...Om....'
Aftr setlling down, ayahnda drove me and yani to the bus stop (15 mins fm Bina Insani) where they usually meet....
Nothing can describe the look on their face from tired and hungy to surprised and delighed. Other ppl at the bus stop was left confused....
We sang song, show some magic trick and went camwhore...
That nite...we recited Yasin (a part of the Holy Quran) together after magrib. After ishak, they proceedfor a doa selamat for a guest who delivered rice in a box for all of them...
Meanwhile... since the kids were away....Indra 'bekam'ed me...
WARNING: The photos below are notfor the faint hearted!
felt good after the bekam session.....
ANOTHER SURPRISE when i steped out of the room.... the kids are oredi lined up and sang bday songs for me!
last but not least... i got this bday present from Solihin.... this touched my heart deeply.... it was his own... i guess sumone gave it to him during his bday.... and he decided to give it to me.
This small and cheap thing..... is PRICELESS
Thank You GOD for giving another year to live....
Thank You Yani for being my Totet.....
Thank You Bina Insani for making my B'day the most memorable ever....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
OPS TESTING WATER
Disclaimer to the prev post:
I reali have nothing againts women wearing hijab. I may not be pious but im indeed a pro hijab.
I shall not go futher into this hijab issue animore as very very sensitive....
Honestly i realli mean no harm or picking out anione in specific...
Anyone feeling offended.. i apologise... neither do i make any judgemental remarks in my post, didnt i?
its was juz a sharing the story that my uncle shared with me... which i choose to share it in my blog.
Aniway.............
got so many fotoz and things to share reagarding my valentine... long time neva celebrate... coz i dun usually celebrate it tho....
so this year its was juz for fun yet special for me.....
too tired now.. so i leave u guys with the link below....
http://www.arcane-minds.blogspot.com/
*p/s, Zac cafe food very yummy
I reali have nothing againts women wearing hijab. I may not be pious but im indeed a pro hijab.
I shall not go futher into this hijab issue animore as very very sensitive....
Honestly i realli mean no harm or picking out anione in specific...
Anyone feeling offended.. i apologise... neither do i make any judgemental remarks in my post, didnt i?
its was juz a sharing the story that my uncle shared with me... which i choose to share it in my blog.
Aniway.............
got so many fotoz and things to share reagarding my valentine... long time neva celebrate... coz i dun usually celebrate it tho....
so this year its was juz for fun yet special for me.....
too tired now.. so i leave u guys with the link below....
http://www.arcane-minds.blogspot.com/
*p/s, Zac cafe food very yummy
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
4 kinds of people...
was sitting with my uncle till he shared with me a story....
it was somewhere in ramadhan.... near aidilfitri....
after terawih he and his wife went to geylang for shopping....
it was 2 am ...
yerp in the wee hours....
when my aunt spotted a familiar figure....
a once a sweet innocent figure.....
with a grp of guys laughing out loud and behaving wildly....
*my uncle was re-enacting the way she laughed it and he look disgustingly ugly... LOL sorry wak!
such embarassing sight and behavior for a muslim woman with a hijab ...
ESPECIALLY in the month of Ramadhan....
my aunt pointed it out to my uncle...
he didnt believe it was the one that they once knew....
he was even looking out for his nephew....
his nephew wasnt there...
they crossed the road and into each others path...
Yerp, it was that indeed the person that they have least thought would be...
one word in their mind.... SHOCKED....
And his perception of women in hijab totally changed from that day....
***********************************************************
As he ended his story, he gave a frown and a disgusted look.... and repeated his imitation of behavior....
"i was shocked when she laughed like this... wuakakakaka!"
I replied with a smile... not out of sacrasm....
but out of relief....
i wasnt there...
animore.....
*moral of the story?
There are 4 kids of ppl in this world....
1) the purest of them all
These arre closest to the angels of God. From the moment u see them, u can see their 'glow' of purity. Very rare.....
2) the repented devil
These are those who once had a harsh background and took the wrong route in their life during their younger days but has manage to find the right path. These are the streetwise ppl. they willl and know how to survive. Unfortunately, the stigma and their darkest shadows lingers with them. Only the purest (in the first category) can see and feel these ppl hearts.
3) The wolf in sheepskin
One glance, they look dashing, sweet, charming or adorable. Some are even babyface. They have all the moves to melt your hearts with their moves, words and the way they dress. Some even cunning enough to potray themselves as 'pious' with the way they dress. However, beware as behind every nive words or actions, their are stepping onto ur head and suck u dry.... They have their own sleek way to decieve you. The moment u spotted their ugly side, their lies etc, its already too late for u.
4) the condemend.....
*self explanatory... Lets juz dun stop praying for these ppl to move up to category 2, at least....
So... which category are you?
it was somewhere in ramadhan.... near aidilfitri....
after terawih he and his wife went to geylang for shopping....
it was 2 am ...
yerp in the wee hours....
when my aunt spotted a familiar figure....
a once a sweet innocent figure.....
with a grp of guys laughing out loud and behaving wildly....
*my uncle was re-enacting the way she laughed it and he look disgustingly ugly... LOL sorry wak!
such embarassing sight and behavior for a muslim woman with a hijab ...
ESPECIALLY in the month of Ramadhan....
my aunt pointed it out to my uncle...
he didnt believe it was the one that they once knew....
he was even looking out for his nephew....
his nephew wasnt there...
they crossed the road and into each others path...
Yerp, it was that indeed the person that they have least thought would be...
one word in their mind.... SHOCKED....
And his perception of women in hijab totally changed from that day....
***********************************************************
As he ended his story, he gave a frown and a disgusted look.... and repeated his imitation of behavior....
"i was shocked when she laughed like this... wuakakakaka!"
I replied with a smile... not out of sacrasm....
but out of relief....
i wasnt there...
animore.....
*moral of the story?
There are 4 kids of ppl in this world....
1) the purest of them all
These arre closest to the angels of God. From the moment u see them, u can see their 'glow' of purity. Very rare.....
2) the repented devil
These are those who once had a harsh background and took the wrong route in their life during their younger days but has manage to find the right path. These are the streetwise ppl. they willl and know how to survive. Unfortunately, the stigma and their darkest shadows lingers with them. Only the purest (in the first category) can see and feel these ppl hearts.
3) The wolf in sheepskin
One glance, they look dashing, sweet, charming or adorable. Some are even babyface. They have all the moves to melt your hearts with their moves, words and the way they dress. Some even cunning enough to potray themselves as 'pious' with the way they dress. However, beware as behind every nive words or actions, their are stepping onto ur head and suck u dry.... They have their own sleek way to decieve you. The moment u spotted their ugly side, their lies etc, its already too late for u.
4) the condemend.....
*self explanatory... Lets juz dun stop praying for these ppl to move up to category 2, at least....
So... which category are you?
juz sms....
now... they juz sms....
its too late tho....
whateva....
very upset tho....
oh well....
im more looking foward to my birthday with my little tots at bintan
its too late tho....
whateva....
very upset tho....
oh well....
im more looking foward to my birthday with my little tots at bintan
Friday, February 6, 2009
more brownies!
alhamdulillah....
more order for brownies coming up... 2 for birthday.... one for marriage!!!!
here are more photos of my latest edition. I call it....
*SUPER SIZE BROWNIE*
(LARGE hershey choc chip and lotsa chunky walnut)
for orders or enquiries... call or text me at 91892545.
p/s: i only use fresh ingredients =)
dentist day!
finally gone to the dentist after 2 years!
the dentist was reali cheerful, polite and soft spoken....
look what she did to my teeth....
ans the dentist was from raffles... hehee
ready to kill ppl with my killer smile? heehee
it has proven powerful till totet was unable to mad at me not more than a minute juz by flashing that smile...
OoOppss forgot to thank the One, Allah s.w.t for his Gift of having teeth....
juz imagine without teeth, u cant even pronounce the word of Quran properly....
u cant recite the doa properly....
you can be handsome and rich... but no teeth? turn off man...
I will promise to take care of my teeth..... bling bling...
the dentist was reali cheerful, polite and soft spoken....
look what she did to my teeth....
ans the dentist was from raffles... hehee
ready to kill ppl with my killer smile? heehee
it has proven powerful till totet was unable to mad at me not more than a minute juz by flashing that smile...
OoOppss forgot to thank the One, Allah s.w.t for his Gift of having teeth....
juz imagine without teeth, u cant even pronounce the word of Quran properly....
u cant recite the doa properly....
you can be handsome and rich... but no teeth? turn off man...
I will promise to take care of my teeth..... bling bling...
Monday, January 26, 2009
camera whore!
peek-a-boo!
*chiak* with that sweet smile....
ok ok i know my totet extremely hungry....
my latest edition of brownies....
asyraf a.k.a buntal gonna be the next vespa-rempit....
(he still gotto wait till his feet can touch the ground first, hahaha!)
SAFF Brothers attempting to break the Guiness world record in trying to stop the train using their chiseled abs (yah right!) by lying on the railway track near bukit timah.....
Bob was too overwhelmed by the news of my survival and became 'BELO'(crazy in malay slang). He decided to set up a fruit in a can company anamed after his condition... 'BELLO'
Ten Years later, he set up a candy company... and call it 'BUAH BESAR'. However, it has caused some protest by the malay language scholars as they claimed it was suggestive and sound offensive and unappropriate for minors. he decide to change it to 'BIG FRUIT'.
SAFF Brothers attempting to break the Guiness world record in trying to stop the train using their chiseled abs (yah right!) by lying on the railway track near bukit timah.....
sumhow i manage to survive in a miracle. the rest made it to afterlife.... their bodyparts are all either scattered or stuck under the train bound for KL. the one leg standing in the pic belongs to Khairul. the leg would be donated to Beach Road hawker centre to make soup tulang.....
Bob was too overwhelmed by the news of my survival and became 'BELO'(crazy in malay slang). He decided to set up a fruit in a can company anamed after his condition... 'BELLO'
Ten Years later, he set up a candy company... and call it 'BUAH BESAR'. However, it has caused some protest by the malay language scholars as they claimed it was suggestive and sound offensive and unappropriate for minors. he decide to change it to 'BIG FRUIT'.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
totet's sick...
Im sorry i left u out alone the night before.... i juz need to be in my cave for a while....
had to nurse her whole night. her fever, diarrhea, vomiting and gastric made her too weak to move. seeing her sleep whole evening and night made me feel so guilty that i was in my cave instead of by her side y'day.
she juz had to have fluids only for that time. juz isotonic drink and plain biscuits. and constantly give her the antacids whenever the gastric pain comes and wtching her tamperature.
finally breakfast she only manage to eat half plain pancake. slowly.
i understand she is too weak to go anywhere. Its ok, chinatown can wait next year. There is still the esplanade carnival,k dear.
maybe after that coffee and ice cream hagen daz again?
shall we?
had to nurse her whole night. her fever, diarrhea, vomiting and gastric made her too weak to move. seeing her sleep whole evening and night made me feel so guilty that i was in my cave instead of by her side y'day.
she juz had to have fluids only for that time. juz isotonic drink and plain biscuits. and constantly give her the antacids whenever the gastric pain comes and wtching her tamperature.
finally breakfast she only manage to eat half plain pancake. slowly.
i understand she is too weak to go anywhere. Its ok, chinatown can wait next year. There is still the esplanade carnival,k dear.
maybe after that coffee and ice cream hagen daz again?
shall we?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
marina and totet....
the plan was to bring her the secret place that i brought her the other day....
but sumhow we detoured to Marina Barrage....
its was so awesome that we forgot to take fotoz... u guyz should go there urself to experrience it....
the breeze.... the warm light... and the scenery of singapore city at night....
beautiful!
beloved totet came to my workplace last nite.... they were suprised to see she waited for me with dinner till 10pm... and it juz sooth my heart....
a simple instant noodle and almost $10 worth of ol chang kee.... yum2....
cant wait to meet my totet on saturday.....
**********************************************************
had my AED course juz now.... it kept me thinking.... y do they send me....
Thanks and Alhamdulillah aniway....
**********************************************************
but sumhow we detoured to Marina Barrage....
its was so awesome that we forgot to take fotoz... u guyz should go there urself to experrience it....
the breeze.... the warm light... and the scenery of singapore city at night....
beautiful!
beloved totet came to my workplace last nite.... they were suprised to see she waited for me with dinner till 10pm... and it juz sooth my heart....
a simple instant noodle and almost $10 worth of ol chang kee.... yum2....
cant wait to meet my totet on saturday.....
**********************************************************
had my AED course juz now.... it kept me thinking.... y do they send me....
Thanks and Alhamdulillah aniway....
**********************************************************
Friday, January 16, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
pics first..... words later....
im rushing to work... so here are the pics of wateva happen past few days....
what a brand name for popcorn....
what a brand name for a glass!
spongebob is a gay???
due to the natural curves of our body... the image is abit unclear....
here is the actual image....
shape our body....
hmm.... totet's bday cake... yummySunday, January 4, 2009
Anew
ok lemme begin anew once again here....
im totally sick of frenster blog. super slow like toot!
here is my this week pic...
this was last week pic.......
any difference? u decide....
*p/s: i juz had nasi lemak with totet for breakfast, shared a $6 murtabak with asyraf 4 hours ago and one and a half j co donuts an hour ago! ARGH!!!! run amean run!!!!!
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